Is it ok for a Christian to choose Cremation? (October 16, 2024)

My wife Colleen had struggled with Health issues for years, from Diabetes (16 years) to Bi-polar (10 years), Congestive heart failure (5 years) and over the last 3 years of her life we added frozen shoulder, severe arthritis, and Non-Alcoholic Sorosis of the Liver. For most of the last 10 years, and especially the last three years of my wife’s life I functioned as her medical advocate and care giver, doing everything in my power to try to get her the medical help she needed and trying to do everything to preserve her life and keep her here with me and with our daughters Faith and Mercy.

In July of 2016 we reached a point where Colleen was mostly sleeping, with very little awake time, and Colleen getting worn out going to so many doctors’ visits. We reviewed all options, and we asked a Hospice doctor to evaluate her, and the doctor concluded there was a high likelihood that Colleen only had 6 months or less to live. Colleen decided then she wanted to spend her final months at home and not constantly in and out of hospitals.

We honored that decision and I recall my daughters and I gathering around Colleen’s bed each night and praying blessings over her, thanking God for all the time He had given us with her and for the great blessing she was in our lives. As we entered Hospice, we shifted from the goal to keep Colleen alive, to the goal to provide comfort for Colleen in the remaining time she had left. It was a difficult transition to make from years of trying to keep my wife alive, to now transition to begin to let her go, to make her comfortable.

We enjoyed every moment we spent with Colleen before she died, while at the same time both Colleen and all of us began to grieve the coming separation from her that was going to result from her death. Neither Colleen, our daughters, or I would have ever gotten through that time in our life had we not leaned on Jesus. He was Faithful to walk through those valleys with us, and with our girls, and while it seemed over the last 3 years of her life that those storms would never end, in the end they did end with Colleen walking face to face with Jesus in Heaven.

Colleen is in Heaven where she will never again suffer and will spend eternity in a new body that will never grow tired, never grow old, never be sick or know disease. She will never again have to say goodbye from her new home in Heaven, but only hello as she eventually welcomes me, Faith, Mercy, and others she loves into Heaven where thanks to Jesus we will spend an eternity with Jesus, and an Eternity together. Any time we lost in this life with Colleen will seem meaningless in the light of the eternity we will gain.

Despite this wonderful hope we have, being apart from those you love in the meantime is painful and while it is a bit easier with the passage of time knowing we are that much closer to seeing Colleen again, we will continue to grieve that separation until we are back in her presence again.

As we walked down the end of Colleen’s life, she made her wishes known. She wanted me to speak at her funeral and include sharing the gospel message, which I gladly did. She wanted three songs sung including How Great thou art, Amazing Grace, and Mercy Me’s song I can only Imagine. She also wanted as part of the ceremony a time for people to just share funny stories or touching stories about her as they wanted and for it to be a celebration of the life the Lord had given her. She died December 22, 2016, and we had her Celebration of life on Saturday January 28th, 2017.

As for her burial arrangements, Colleen caught me a little bit by surprise. I grew up in a family where both on my mom’s side, and my dad’s side, everyone I knew that had died had been buried. It was just how things were done; it was a tradition. I guess many Christians have elected for burial since this is what happened to Jesus before he rose back from the dead. However, when Colleen was younger, and even in college, she used to have nightmares about being trapped in a coffin. In addition, she decided that she wanted people to think of her when she died as for where she truly was, in Heaven with Jesus, and not stuck in a coffin. As a result, it was her wish to be cremated and her ashes spread in Lexington Cemetery (A Place she used to take the girls to walk around as it is beautiful and peaceful).

At first, I was troubled by this request for her body to be cremated. Was this biblical? Would God approve of this? I did not want us to do anything that God would be displeased with or want us not to do. I needed to do some research here to determine if I personally was ok with this request.

I would like to share some thoughts now that came out of my search that I pray will be helpful and an encouragement as others face similar questions for themselves or with loved ones that are considering cremation.

First, before I even opened the bible, I simply went through the following thought exercise:

A)      God is good! I already know from studying the bible that my God is not a legalistic monster, but He is filled with unbelievable Grace and compassion. His grace covers a multitude of sins and mistakes. Thus, it is important to consider this when dealing with this topic. Regardless of if Christians prefer burial or they prefer cremation, the most important part is do you believe that God is good, that He loves you, that He wants your best interest, that you are a sinner in need of a savior, and that what Jesus did on the cross is sufficient to pay the eternal price for your sins and you can trust in the goodness of God? These are the critical questions it seems to me, not weather or not we choose burial or cremation.

B)      God is able to do more than we can imagine. I thought about 9/11 and the blazing fires in the Twin towers and the people that were essentially cremated. Are we really saying that Christians that died in 9/11 that were instantly turned to ash and their ashes mixed with the ashes of others who died, that God is not powerful enough to resurrect their original bodies (If that is indeed what happens?) Of course, if we get new bodies not made up from our original bodies as some believe, then even less of a concern, but the point is even if it will require God to resurrect our original bodies to then transform them to our new Heavenly bodies, a God that created the universe, can sift through ashes and sort it all out.

Same concept for any Christian killed in hotel fire, or nuclear war, etc. None of this is a challenge for our God to sort it all out.

C)      The final path is the same regardless. In the end, regardless of which choice you make for burial or cremation, given enough time, the bodies we leave behind all end up as dust.

So then, what does the Bible have to say on this subject?

1)      Our body is a temple, and we should treat it with respect

1 Cor. 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?

Some Christians who have concerns with cremation argue that the bodies God gave us are sacred and we need to treat them with respect, even in death. I would agree with this principle, but I guess the question is what is respectful?

When Colleen died, it was her wish not to have a viewing for everyone, just for immediate family and closest of friends. At that viewing, her body was treated with respect and dignity, dressed in clothing Colleen would have approved. It was a critical time for myself and both my daughters Faith and Mercy in our grieving process and in letting go and saying goodbye. It is one of the hardest things Faith and Mercy ever had to do, but I am so glad they chose to do it as I know I was out of town for my grandfather’s funeral as a teenager and never got closure on that. It was important to me Faith and Mercy got that.

Now, what happens next after the viewing is mostly one of two choices. Either the body is buried in the ground, or the body is cremated. If a person strongly feels the body they leave behind when they die should be buried, it would be disrespectful to that person and their body to ignore their wishes and cremate them. On the other hand, given my wife’s desire for cremation and her faith that She would be in Heaven and wanted people to think of her there and not in some grave, would it not have been disrespectful to Colleen and the body she left behind to bury her body instead of scattering her ashes as she desired?

I conclude that the respectful thing to me, and I believe to God also, is to allow anyone, and especially any Christian, to decide for themselves how best to honor God and then for us to honor and support their wishes

2)      While there are not any verses explicitly forbidding cremation, there are verses dealing with burial:

Deuteronomy 21:22–23: The body of a criminal should be buried the same day.

Numbers 19: Whoever touches a dead body without purifying themselves defiles the Lord's tabernacle and must be cut off from Israel.

Thought from Eric: Both above verses seem to deal more with protecting the living with hygiene recommendations and for orderly dealing with the dead in a timely manner

John 19:39-40: The body should be buried with loving care, just as Christ's body was cared for

Thought from Eric: This goes back to treating the body that remains after death with loving care and respect as discussed under #1 above.

3)      What is important is that we follow Jesus. Jesus does not seem to see how we deal with a dead body as a critical issue to take a stand on

Matt 8:21 And another of the disciples said to Him, “Lord, allow me first to go and bury my father.” 8:22 But Jesus said to him, “Follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

Thought from Eric: We all must interpret this for ourselves, but it seems clear to me here in our case, what was important to Jesus was that Colleen loved Him, that she made Jesus her Lord, that she desired to follow Jesus and to honor Jesus even in her death. The details of how her body was dealt with (Burial or cremation) do not seem to matter to Jesus.

If not important to God, then some other benefits of cremation to consider

A)      Cremation is cheaper financially so more money can be saved and passed to living children

B)      Cremation is easier, does not require six pall bearers to be found like Burial does, and can keep the ashes until convenient to spread (December vs Spread in April)

C)      For those like Colleen where the idea of her old body trapped in a coffin was disturbing, it eliminates this issue, and for those wanting to have focus more on where they went (Heaven) and less on where their old body was buried, it is a good solution.

Of course, there is also nothing wrong with those who want to be buried in the same manner Jesus was buried and show honor in that manner. Both choices can point people to Jesus, and both thus can bring glory to God.

Conclusion:

It is so painful to either be the person that has found out you are dying (Colleen) or to be the people (Myself, Faith, Mercy) who so deeply love someone that is dying as in both cases you must process being separated from those you love. It is a very emotional time, and sadly it is a time the enemy Satan tries to use to drive a wedge in families over disputes like this.

Our God is a God of Unity. The most critical points for all of us as Christians should be: 1) Are we following Jesus as our Lord, and 2) Do we trust in what He did on the cross to be sufficient and 3) Can we rest in the amazing love and grace of our Heavenly Father?

We all have to decide this for ourselves, but I believe God wants us as Christians to honor the wishes of the person dying. If they desire to be buried, then I believe God approves of that. If they desire to be cremated, I believe God approves of that as well. As such, we should support our loved one’s choices in these matters and support and honor their wishes.

In the end we did honor Colleen’s wishes. We had the viewing on December 23, 2016, her celebration of life in January 2017, and as she wished Faith, Mercy and I gathered privately at Lexington Cemetery in April 2016 as family as her ashes were spread. My girls still go to Lexington Cemetery every Mother’s Day to honor Colleen and grieve that separation so there is still a spot for them to go, while still knowing she is in Heaven and knowing they will see her again thanks to Jesus.

If you are going through anything like this currently, I encourage you to lean on Jesus. He knows the pain you are bearing and is faithful to walk through this with you. Our God loves us far deeper than we can ever imagine, and while it seems He believes our going through physical death is a needed part of the eternal plan, we still see in the bible Jesus wept over the people mourning the death of Lazarus, and we know per the bible that every tear we shed on this earth is precious to our God and He is faithful to comfort those who mourn.

We also know God does not ask us to go through more than He was willing to go through himself as Jesus willingly went through suffering, separation, and death on our behalf.

I hope this post is helpful as you process. May the Lord bless you and your families and comfort you as you mourn while also filling you with the hope of eternity that is before us thanks to Jesus.

P.S. I respect all who decide they prefer burial, but personally I have decided to follow Colleen’s lead here, and upon my death, the plan is a private viewing, a celebration of life, and cremation and later spreading of the ashes from this body I leave behind in Lexington Cemetery in the same spot where Colleen’s ashes are spread. I hope when that day arrives, in the same way my daughters will think of me in Heaven with Jesus, with their mom, and with others I love, waiting in excited anticipation for the day they join us there and we are reunited for eternity with each other and with Jesus.