When Love is not Enough (April 1, 2021)

As we approach Easter this year, I have been reflecting on the topic of Love. Love is a major theme in movies, books, songs, etc. The world hungrily searches after love, and Christians will often say it all boils down to loving God and loving people. That really sounds great and I think many would agree with that sentiment. Just one problem, when you say Love other people, what exactly do we mean?

How are we best to love other people? Is love simply a feeling? Is love as simple as having good intentions towards another person? Is love never telling anyone you do not agree with them? Our world has very different concepts of love. As I reflected on this, and thought about some examples the bible gives, I just thought I would share some of those thoughts as we approach Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. I hope this will be an encouragement to you and your families and wish you a joyful Easter.

As a Christian, I am called to love others in the fullness of truth.

Some examples that come to mind as I reflect on what it means to love others in the fullness of truth:

A) Some in the world, and even some Christians will say if you show me love and respect me, I will love you and I will show you respect. Is that truly love?

The God reveled to us in the bible, in this case Jesus, says loving in the fullness of truth includes loving your enemies:

Luke 6:26 and 27: But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Loving your enemies is not an easy commandment, and I often mess it up, but personally it helps me to understand this fuller expectation from God on what Love truly is. This can be a stumbling block for Christians with a strong Justice bent (Including me). I.E. Jesus does not give me a pass to hate the woman that chose to kill her unborn child through abortion to avoid an inconvenience to her career. Neither am I given a pass to hate the man that beats his wife. I am not called to agree with the actions of either of these people, and I am called to have compassion on their victims (Unborn Child, Wife), and seek to protect these victims and stand up for the weak. I am not required to trust these people as trust is earned. However, Jesus does require me to recall I also struggle with sin, I also need grace from God, and thus so do my enemies. I may not trust them, I may not agree with their actions, and yet still I am called to love them, treat them with respect and pray for them.

B) Others in the world, and even some Christians will tell us that simply accepting people just as they are is what is loving, and we should never disagree with someone else’s truth and never judge their actions or conclusions as wrong. Let everyone have their own truth. Is that truly loving?

The God revealed to us in the bible tells us:

Mathew 7: 1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Comment from Eric: Seems to me Jesus is not saying here to ignore sin, just how to prioritize dealing with it.)

God also says in the bible:

Eze. 3:18 When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself. (From Eric: Seems self-explanatory)

So, while it is true God wants me to deal with my own sin as my top priority, it is also true that at times God requires me to speak up against sin in the life of others or the world around me as well and speak truth in love. Not an easy commandment, and once again I often mess it up, but again personally it helps me to understand this fuller expectation from God on what Love truly is. This can be a stumbling block for Christians with a strong Mercy and Grace bent (Including at times me as I often struggle to find the balance between God’s Justice and God’s Grace).

There are times when Jesus will call on me to lovingly intervene and say the man that beats his wife is sinning and his actions are wrong according to God (My view is irrelevant). I may need to confront him over this, help get his wife and kids to a safe place if that is required, encourage him to get anger management counseling, etc.

Yes, while I have compassion for his wife and kids, it is also true I am called by God to have compassion for him and love him and pray for him. However, it is also true God may in certain cases require me to stand up and say his actions are sinful and wrong. Ignoring his actions when God calls me to speak up is actually sin on my part and God will hold this against me.

In the same way, the woman that chooses her career over the life of her unborn child, at times God will call on me to speak out against her actions and call them out for what they are, sin that brings destruction to both her unborn child, but also to her. Yes, I can have compassion for the various situations mothers can find themselves in, and yes, I always must remember I also at times struggle with sin and temper any response with this knowledge, but my God also calls me to have compassion for the unborn children and speak out for them when they have no other voice to do so.

How is it loving to simply throw up my hands and say, well, each person just needs to walk the path of their own truth and that is how we best love others. I may have good intentions thinking this, but if I do that, where is my compassion for the unborn child? In addition, where is my compassion and love for this woman as many women who have abortions, later when they realize the full truth of what they have done experience overwhelming pain and regret. My decision to stay quiet up front believing that was the loving thing to do, may in the end lead to massive pain for this woman. My God calls me to love her regardless of her choice, but he also requires me to stand up for her unborn child and as such not to support any decision by her to choose her career or convenience over the life of her unborn child as that is sin, but rather simply encourage her that her child is worthy of life, that she and her unborn child are precious to God, and to warn her to consider her choice and her actions.

C) Hollywood often defines love as an emotion. People in film fall in and out of love at the rising and falling of their emotions. That is why we see so many in Hollywood that adopt this view of love get into a pattern of marry, divorce, marry, divorce, marry, divorce, etc. They are on a perpetual hunt for that emotional high of being in love, thinking the next person is the one that will truly make me happy, only to inevitably be disappointed once again to find they have married yet another often selfish sinner. Is that Love?

Here is how the bible defines love:

1 Cor 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Once again, God defines love in a way that is much deeper than how Hollywood and the world often define it. Love is not simply a feeling that rises or falls with our moods. I really love Gods definition of Love here.

An additional personal example of when good intentions are not enough:

I shared in a prior post on Derek that he had been such a great friend to my late wife Colleen growing up and from the time Colleen’s Dad died when she was a child through her adult years Colleen and Derek had always celebrated their birthdays together (they were born within 4 days of each other). Sadly, in November 2006 Derek committed suicide.

That event left Colleen in pain and agony as she tried to imagine the spiritual and mental pain Derek must have been in to take his own life and as she tried to make sense of losing Derek, whom she greatly loved, in this tragic way. Often, after this as we neared Colleens birthday (April 12), Colleen would begin to become overwhelmed with grief and sorrow and as she struggled with Bi-Polar, her mind could find no rest and eventually she would often lose touch with reality. I came to admire the depths of love and compassion Colleen had for Derek, but at the same time we needed to deal with her grief, her loss of reality and her suicidal thoughts and mental anguish. On 4 different occasions over the last 10 years of Colleens life it became bad enough she needed to be admitted into the mental hospital to stabilize her.

Colleen would lose touch with reality and claim she had a phone call with Derek or that he was coming over to visit with her. At first, I would try to gently tell her the truth that this was not so, but that seemed to make things worse so I thought maybe that was the wrong approach. If we just let her have her delusion, she would be ok and eventually with medicine, rest, etc. it would all work itself out. My intentions here on how to love my wife Colleen were honorable I believe, however, what I was doing was not loving Colleen in truth as God called me to as her husband.

I recall when Colleen became so distraught (Often Suicidal) and in so much mental pain and suffering and pled with me that she needed help, that we went together and had to admit her into the Ridge mental hospital to get help to stabilize her.

What happened at that time and future times in the mental Hospital was a lesson for me.

Step one was to deal with any physical issues. They gave her medicine to stabilize her first as without that, anything else was pointless. I.E. If a person has a 105-degree temperature, we do not need a bible study, praise music, or talk therapy, we need Tylenol to break the fever first. Until the physical issues are resolved, it is pointless to move onto the next step. (This is a point many Churches fail to recognize when dealing with people with mental illness and I hope something Christians can begin to understand as failing to understand this brings pain, even if one has good intentions)

Step two was to deal with truth head on and confront any false delusions. This was the step that caught me by surprise at first.

As I said, I had backed off on confronting Colleen with the truth that Derek was indeed dead. The Doctors at Charter ridge however did not indulge this fantasy from Colleen but rather tackled it straight on, confronting her with the sad truth that her beloved friend Derek was in fact dead. They did this because Colleen needed to be able to work her way back to reality and address this emotional issue in talk therapy in order to stabilize. It really is true that the truth set her free.

Step 3 was to get Medical help and counseling help in place for Colleen long term. Colleen needed a Psychiatrist on going to help her with meds to let her mind rest and she needed a professionally trained talk therapist to help her work through her emotional issues with Derek’s death, etc.

Step 4 Now that Colleen had support in place for her physical and emotional needs, next she needed her spiritual needs met. You can have Tylenol to reduce your fever, a talk therapist to address your thinking process and emotional needs, but one also needs truth and Hope as anchors to living. Colleen found an abundance of Truth and Hope in her relationship with Jesus and drawing ever closer to her God in reading the bible, praying, listening to praise and worship music, etc.

So again, while my intentions were good to try to love my wife, failing to love her in the fullness of truth was not helpful to her and ultimately not loving my wife the way God called me to.

Conclusion:

I am so grateful for what this week represents and for the truth and the fullness of God’s love.

Good Friday: The cross thus is God loving us enough to speak the ugly truth we all need to be confronted with that on our own we are not the good people we think we are, but compared to a Holy God we are all selfish sinners.

The cross says your sin leads to pain and death and you can never do enough good works and enough religious practices to earn/buy your way into heaven. Instead, Jesus had to humble himself and pay the price for our sin on our behalf to satisfy a Holy God that eternal justice had been met and shut the mouth of our accuser Satan once and for all. Since Jesus death on the cross, how can Satan ever argue against the price God Himself has paid?

The cross also represents the wonderful truth that God’s love for us does not rise and fall with emotional feeling. It did not feel good for Jesus to be tortured and to hang naked on a cross in shame and agony, but it sure does demonstrate just how much God loves us and His unwavering commitment to us.

The cross also demonstrates that God’s love for us is not dependent on our love or respect for God. God demonstrated His love in that while we were yet sinners, while we were hostile to God, Jesus still died for us to save us as we could not save ourselves and we could never satisfy Gods justice.

Easter: Jesus resurrection confirms the truth of His claims, and His ascension shows His power and glory and gives us a Hope we can anchor our lives to, a Hope we joyously celebrate this Easter.

Happy Easter to you and your families. May this Easter we consider the depths of the Love our Heavenly Father has for us, and the fullness and truth of the Love to which He calls us to love each other.